I’m so torn about J. I feel like we just don’t have very much in common anymore. Being away from him for an extended period of time makes me want to call him and talk, and be happy, but when I actually do, there is just nothing to say. It gets boring and mildly awkward and we sort of just sit there in silence until one of us says “okay, I’ll talk to you later, bye”. When he’s drinking or smoking he’ll try to be loving, telling me that he misses me or loves me or whatever else, but I’m just not receptive. I guess I’m being forced to come to the conclusion that maybe we’re just not right for each other right now. H’es great and we love each other, but it’s kind of just a complacent, unconditional love. I don’t feel that passion or drive to really want him, it’s more just like he’s there to talk to when I need to vent or just not really talk about anything. Maybe I’m trying to get back what we had in high school and earlier this year, but it’s just not working. It’s like we’re just dating each other in theory, but lead entirely separate lives (that include other people, at least on my part). I just don’t know how to address the problem. I know that I have to say something to him, but I really don’t know how. I do want to date someone I guess, but I just can’t find that someone. J is sweet and cute and talented and intelligent, but he’s just kind of boring I guess. He’s “too perfect” for me now, because we’ve grown up together and matured together into what each other wanted us to be, and that’s just not part of being in college, at least not for me. I really think that I will never find someone who I could stay with for the rest of my life, but I still want to be free to look… or at least to have fun.